2009, in 20/20

It’s been 26 months since I started this blog.  I have 183 posts; Well, 184 including this one.  I have 704 comments, and about 35 subscribers. I get about 20 unique hits a day, if I’m reading my stats right.  According to Technorati, my blog has $0 value.  I have 1,222 Twitter followers.  Klout says I am a ‘persona.’  According to TweetValue, my Twitter account is worth $334.  In other words, I am small, small, potatoes.

But I don’t even keep track of those things that so many bloggers seem so obsessive over.  In fact, I had to look every one of those stats up.  Because I really couldn’t care less how popular this blog is, or how high I can get my number of followers to climb.  The value of my blog, for me, lies in the relationships I’ve been blessed with through having it.  There are people who have come into my life that I have felt an instant kinship with, and there are people with whom I have gradually built a solid foundation for a life-long friendship.  There are mothers I have commiserated with over wayward teen behaviors and funny quips from my minions, and women without children of their own that I have forged bonds with over other common ground.  There are people I could instantly relate to, and others that took some time to find that relatability, which is a word I think I just totally made up.  And there are even the more casual friendships that, while not as heart-gripping, have undoubtedly enriched my life.

It was just in February that I busted out of my comfort zone and started bridging my online relationships into real life by traveling by myself to Nashville and attending BlissDom with only the names and faces of a few local bloggers to remedy my social anxiety.  Those women, Shash and Anissa, were friendly and warm and welcoming, and they gave me the push I needed to go into that conference without even a roommate to fall back on.  I went on to attend smaller local blogger meetups as well as BlogHer09, and I have been so blessed to have done so, and to have come across the dynamic and diverse group of people I have coerced into becoming my friends.

There were other blessings in my life, as well.  Emily was accepted into the gifted program.  I was finally diagnosed and treated for PCOS.  Faith’s grades improved this year.  I’ve lost 30 pounds.  I’ve entered into a new relationship that is going well.  My mother retired and moved out so I’ve got my home to myself.  Some blessings were tempered with drawbacks.   A decade long relationship came to an end, which needed to happen, but is still difficult for everyone involved.  The situation with my son’s troubled behavior left me feeling like a parenting failure.  As a parenting coach, your confidence is pretty important, so my work was affected as well, and now those issues have resurfaced.

But, when I think of the challenges 2009 served up the friends I’ve made in the last 26 months, both the near and dear and the more emotionally distanced, I find myself nearly nauseous with the pain I’ve witnessed through my laptop.  So, this is for you.  For Kim, who lost her husband, and her father in the same year.  For Heather and Shelli, who lost their children.  For Chrissi and Britt, who came perilously close to losing their marriages.  For Hilly and Wendy, who did lose theirs.  For Shannon, whose husband fought cancer.  For Lisa, who left a legacy behind that will never be forgotten.  For Karl, who lost a best friend.  For Jenni, who suffered at least one miscarriage this year.  For Anissa, who is fighting her way out of her second stroke.  For all of you who have suffered a loss.

It’s been tough for us all.  I don’t want to compare our pain and decide who wins.  But I do want to say that I am so, so sorry for whatever disappointment or loss you’ve experienced in 2009, and so glad for whatever blessings you find peace in recognizing.  And I am praying for a year of health, wealth, and happiness, not necessarily in that order, for us all.

Edited to add: I heard this song on Pandora last night, and it made me think of all of you.

John Mayer, ‘The Heart of Life’ Lyrics:

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There’s things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won’t all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know it’s nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won’t all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

(Whistle Interlude)

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who’s misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good

I know it’s good