Uterus on loan.

I really loved being pregnant.  Well, maybe not the first time so much, since I was all of 16 and so sick that my mother thought I was bulimic.  But my girls in my belly made me feel closer to whatever force of good I identified with spiritually at the time than anything else I’ve ever experienced, and made me feel more feminine that I ever have since.  I still get a little heartsick when I face the fact that it’s highly unlikely that I will ever experience that serenity again.

I also believe that parenthood, regardless of what method through which it is attained, is something that develops your character in a way that nothing else can.  I think having pets you consider children may come closer to it that anything else, but even then, it falls dreadfully short of the level of responsibility and sacrifice that parenthood demands.  That said, it is also the single most rewarding experience of my life.  And so, it is something I feel strongly should be available to those who WANT it, without regard of their physical ability to reproduce.

Because of these two things that I believe or feel, when a friend of nearly two decades came to me several years ago and asked if I would consider being a surrogate for her and her husband, I agreed, without reservation, and without compensation.  I know it’s not something every woman could do.  I did carefully consider the emotional impact of handing over a child I carried inside me for 40 weeks, and I decided that I could do that, and feel good about being a part of something that should have been able to happen without me, but wasn’t possible due to health problems.

As it turned out, most likely due to my own undiagnosed PCOS, I was unable to conceive for them.  But now I’m 30 pounds lighter, and another 35-40 pounds away from what my gynecologist believes is the threshold for the PCOS symptoms I have that complicate conception to disappear.  And if I were in a situation like that again, I would probably try again, even if the barrier was not health problems, but something else like relationship status, or sexual orientation, or ability to pay exorbitant adoption costs.

The quality of a parent is not based on the biological ability to produce viable sperm or eggs, or the existence of a uterus suitable for growth of a fetus, or the ability to find “the one,” or gender, or sexual orientation, or age.  The quality of a parent is based on the desire and ability to protect, nurture, prepare and guide the child into adulthood.