Meteorites.

I just started back to school. I’m working 32 hrs/week, taking 13 credit hours in four classes, and raising the kids and running the house. I also have had three house guests in between homes for the last week or so.

I already felt like I was buckling. Like the big steel bridge that everyone takes for granted as always being there was starting to sway and the supports were folding inward, and if one more single thing, even as light as a butterfly, rested upon it, the whole structure would cave in, taking everything on and around it under the murky depths of the water it was meant to span. And then a meteor fell from the sky and landed smack dab in the middle.

My son. Again.

I think I may be having a nervous breakdown. I can’t stop crying. I don’t want to do anything..not play my hidden object games, a favorite escape usually..not shower..not eat..not anything. I can’t imagine how I will survive this again. I think the only thing more painful as a parent than leaving the courthouse without your baby would be burying them. It’s indescribable. And I will probably have to do it again. I am screaming and punching doors but it doesn’t release the pressure and this buzzing inside me just gets louder and louder and there is no way out.

Hell. Again.

I’m searching for hope I can find my way back again. And I’m terrified that he never will.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad