Cheeky Sweetie

So, today, at 4, I have to make a two hour stop in hell.  I’ve been having crying fits and mini-anxiety attacks for days in anticipation.  Brian and I have been fighting for days about it.

My Father-in-Law has a 4th of July BBQ thing every year. Last year we actually did have a good time, but there have been some new developments recently that will definitely make that impossible this year.  The whole mess is not something I feel comfortable writing about..maybe one day, but not now.  The main thing to know is that my FIL had information about something that my step-son had done that is a really big freaking deal, and he never told us.  We found out through a friend who found out and thought I should know, nearly a week later.

Th first problem is that, hello!  We are the parents here-it is OUR place to decide how to handle his actions, and for Bri’s Dad to decide we didn’t need to know and to handle it himself is extremely disrespectful towards us as parents.  Gee, I wonder why Kris has so little respect for the rules and limits we set?  This is a long term problem.  His family, as a whole, has acted like we are basically inadequate parents for years and years.  Nothing we do is right, and they have no problem calling us out right in front of the kids.  Well, I say “us” but the truth is that they NEVER do this when I am there.  They just browbeat Brian because for some reason, he has NO FUCKING BACKBONE when it comes to that sorry excuse for a family.  And of course they talk shit behind both of our backs, because they are assholes?  I don’t know.  Kris’ mother is a REAL POS parent-6 kids, custody of NONE, and they were taken at four different points.  And I *still* don’t talk shit about her in front of Kris, because that would hurt HIM, not HER.  But that’s the difference between them and me.  One of them, anyway.

The second problem is the bigger one, for me.  The thing that Kris did made it very possible that my daughters could be in danger.  And still, their grandfather had no regard for their safety, as evidenced by the fact that he didn’t even bother to warn us.  This is also an ongoing problem…not that he endangers the girls by protecting Kris-that’s a new one.  But that the entire family favors Kris a million times over these girls.

Have I ever told you about the first 4th of July BBQ I went to?  Faith was turning one five days later, and Kris was turning nine the next day.  Emily was almost 3, and the girls got fussy after a few hours in the sun, so we packed up to leave.  They asked us to wait a few minutes, because they had cake and presents! So we waited, and out they bring a nice cake that says, “Happy Birthday, Kris!” and presents. For him. Not. one. person. even. remembered. my. daughter’s. first. fucking. birthday.

They call and ask about Kris, they pick Kris up for the weekend, or the afternoon, and they buy Kris replacements of whatever he ruins with his destructiveness and carelessness.  But they never call and ask about the girls.  They never just come by to see them, much less take them anywhere.  They never buy them anything-except on Christmas and NOW their birthdays, when they shower them with crap that is somehow supposed to make up for the six months of ignoring them, I guess.  It’s all about appearances.

They are phoney and fake and I can’t stand them.  I can’t stand the way they treat Brian like he is still the jackass he was years ago.  I can’t stand the way they favor Kris and feed right into the problems he has by constantly coddling him.  I can’t fucking stand the way they act like my daughters don’t exist for 363 days a year. I REALLY can’t stand it when my daughter asks me why they don’t come for her, because I have no. flipping. clue. what to tell her.  I can’t stand the fake crap they give me at these torture events they call family celebrations.

But what I hate the most is the fact that Brian is not on our side.  He won’t stand up to them and defend OUR family, you know, the one we created-the one that should come FIRST, until I fight and beg and put MY foot down, and then I get TOLD he will do something, but he rarely actually follows through.  I am tired of being the backbone.  I’m tired of feeling like our family being treated right is some ridiculous whim I have.  Why the fuck doesn’t HE feel as fiercely protective of these kids?  How can he WANT to go spend a holiday with these assholes?  There are only two people out of the entire bunch who are not phony nice to us-every single other person is stuck-up and arrogant and judgmental and holier than thou…and the DRINKING! I HATE that holidays with them mean all the adults drinking-and I’m supposed to feel safe with my kids there, at a house on a canal with no railing, with a bunch of drunks who care nothing about these kids, and an inattentive father who doesn’t have the spine to tell his cousin he needs to be keeping an eye on his kids, not pounding drinks at the bar and talking about slutty women?  Not unless I am right there to actually WATCH them.

I’m so hurt, and angry, and betrayed.  At first, towards his family, but now he’s placed himself firmly on that side of the fence, and I can’t look at him. I haven’t slept in the bed in two days.  I don’t want him to touch me, or talk to me, and a little piece of me hates him for putting me through this.  I’ve been crying for days.  Bawling, sobbing, shaking, breath-losing, borderline anxiety attack crying.  And it doesn’t matter to him.  They matter more.  More than our relationship, more than our family, more than our children, more than his own pride.  I don’t understand.