Fear.
I haven’t written in almost two weeks. Not because I don’t have anything to say. It’s just, well, complicated. But I am feeling a fucked up mess today.
I’m scared and emotional and sensitive. Things are changing so fast and while I am completely happy about the direction my life is heading, it doesn’t make all the changes any less terrifying. I need hand-holding and reassurance and I’m always so afraid of being a pain in the ass that I wait until I’m a mess to ask for it. I don’t want to be weak. I don’t want to need anything from anybody. My logical brain tells me I need to be an island and be completely secure and self-sufficient. Because it’s *risky* to share yourself. And because I am a woman who feels things so deeply that sometimes the good even hurts because it’s so intense, and as hard as that is for me to deal with, I am such a nurturer and mother-type that all I can think is how hard it is for the people around me to be sucked into my emotional vortex. So, alone, alone, Angel…don’t let yourself lean on anyone too much. You could get hurt or you’ll be a burden. Again with the “always too much, or not enough” conundrum I find myself ripping myself away from in my moments of self-enlightened clarity scattered amongst the tatters of my shredded heart.
It WILL get better!
Lean on us all you want:)
It will…it is. I do have Faith, in the form of a cuddly 6yo who reminds me that life can be as beautiful as I choose to see it.
Wow, did I break into your blog and write this?
Well, you *do* owe me a guest post. *whistling*
I understand….maybe not exactly but I get some of it. I am here if you ever need to talk.
Thanks, Hilly.
I know you've been on your own journey too..it's scary and beautiful. I'm here if you need to talk, too. 
Wow, I guess I am not alone in feeling the same way-seems others have posted that it sounds like their own words. I know those moments, those days, those weeks, and I am guilty as well of not asking for help until it is too late. We try to sustain that strong woman that can handle it all outlook, when in reality, we are all human, and everyone needs somebody, sometime. Love ya much.