Cheeky Sweetie

My grandmother was not exactly the Hallmark card type.  Oh, she looked the part, with her twinkling eyes and snow white hair.  But my grandmother was what they used to call “a pistol,” and I’m sure it’s not a coincidence that many describe my youngest daughter in much the same way.  (Some may even describe me in such a fashion, although lately I’ve felt like much more of a butter knife than a pistol.) Though there were sixty years between my Grammy and I, no matter what I was experiencing in my life, when I discussed it with her, she could relate.  For example, when I told her about the boss at my first waitressing job making a pass at me, she told a story of how she slapped a manager for doing the same to her in a diner she worked at.  She always gave such wonderful advice..it was Godly and right, but usually ballsy.  Sometimes, though, when I would tell her how upset I was about something that someone said or did, she would tell me to just ‘rise above it.’  At the time, I would usually just shrug it off….I was quick to express my displeasure and not always in a constructive way.  But as I grew as a woman, I came to realize that she gave me one of the best gifts I have received from anybody.

It’s hard to accept that other people aren’t like me, especially the people I’ve chosen to surround myself with.  Not that I think everyone should be just like me or anything…I mean more like, having similar value systems and ideas of right and wrong.  I have people in my life that represent such a diverse spread of spirituality, sexuality, ethnicity, culture, lifestyle, etc. but the thing that we all share is a common foundation of how to treat others.  I welcome differing opinions and perspectives, but if someone in my chosen family believes it is okay to hit their spouse or steal or lie, I don’t see how I can continue to foster a close relationship with that person.

So, that’s happened to me lately.  The details don’t really matter to anybody but those personally involved, and I see how these things can become a witch hunt borne from good intentions, as friends, sometimes even common friends that don’t know the entirety of the circumstances, comment with negative things about the other person in support of the blogger.  I don’t want that to happen here.  I took a risk.  And this time, it didn’t pay off.  I have to just accept that.  I just have to accept that this person’s value system is not compatible with mine.  I just have to rise above it, and work on nurturing other relationships I have.

I’m not saying I’m perfect.  And I’m not saying that I haven’t made mistakes and hurt people I care for.  I emphatically have.  Even in the last month.  And I’ve been hurt by other people recently too.  But one thing all those hurts, both those I’ve given, and received, have taught me is that I *do* know where to find forgiveness.  It’s right next to humility and responsibility.  For me, I can’t begin to even look for forgiveness until my hurt has been acknowledged and validated, and responsibility for it is taken.

But, I can always choose to rise above it, and stop wasting energy on a situation that “I can’t control.”